Let’s not think of love in comparison with the "Game of Thrones". Yet, let’s be real that as we grow, love can become quite impure in its intentions and sometimes you never fully get a grasp of what you have just signed up for when you initiated or agreed to that proposal.
There’s the time when we were younger and love is felt by the swooning sensations in the hollow chambers of our heart, when we know it by the sheer joy of seeing or hearing from our person of interest, and time together talking and doing nothing is just the most boundless moment in time. It almost feels like floating. No questions asked, no answers needed, nothing is demanded, only bliss.
Time does us in-all of us, and we have to do some learning and unlearning, a little reality check here and there, suddenly we experience involuntary shrinkages in the largeness of our heart, we want to ask questions and soon love and relationships become some psychological game where the one who loves the least is the one who controls the relationship and the one who loves the most and rightly too is a victim.
In view of recent happenings of the harshest types of betrayal, character assassination, killings and other types of maladies that "love" is now open to. It is safe to say that most adults enter into it now with some caution, some with no intentions at all, and others with the sole intention to exploit and manipulate love with no plans for giving, to some others, but for the lust of it, love is totally overrated.
This brings me to talk about why you should be clear about what you are signing up for, what’s love if you’ll only love and not be loved in return, or would love be what it’s meant to be if you only are loved but will not love in return?
You may want to look to the unsaid things in your prospective partner, are they indifferent, calm as a cucumber when you expect some concern or downright unavailable to things that matter to you. Do they cause you to want to Google "HOW TO KNOW FOR SURE THEY LOVE YOU " and the likes, do they cause you to feel bad for feeling the void that they created, make you feel guilty for their own actions, call you “crazy" and only care to commit to loving you when it’s convenient- like an after-thought?
Now, loving your partner isn’t the exclusive right of only one party, but two adults who commit to a relationship must have the maturity and decency to communicate that love in words and actions. It’s not like it’s the man who should worry about loving and taking care of you, who then takes care of him? Yet, the twisted mentality to keep a woman slaving and tending to your every whim won’t stand for a woman who’s worth your time and love, you’ll need to be treating her right also.
There’s no fast rule in love, and one size definitely doesn’t fit all. People are unique and build unique relationships, therefore, only you can determine if there’s something in it for you. Sometimes you may find that you are more giving, emotions and all than your partner but you know and are sure of their love and commitment, they have their strengths too, and try to be better, and your love isn’t weighed in the scales like some discreet measure, it’s free and fulfilling, who can blame you for such perfection? Smiles.
Then there’s the type of love that causes your mind to wander aimlessly without a knowing at night, then wakes you up in the morning feeling confused. A love that curses you with anxiety and uncertainty, and shrinks your heart even more isn’t the type of fate to resign to. Wait carefully for the type of love you believe in and want; it exists.
And if your heart is shrunken already, embrace positive flows of life and don’t be a victim, be smart and well at heart, so that you can experience the love you truly deserved, which eluded you for a while.
A good and lasting way to check abuses of all kinds, emotional or otherwise in marriage or courtship is to educate individuals about self-awareness/esteem, and men, like women are victims. As long as issues of self-esteem aren’t addressed, you may find that you are in and out of love so often, yet there’s nothing in it for you.
And in all, I wish you the courage to seek to know and bond with yourself, to find and accept the love that you deserve, the grace to be of service in your relationships. The wisdom to identify unwholesome patterns and wit to remove yourself from potential danger in love’s name.
With love,
From Kaffy.